Bonehead
Blues by Paul Toth
Bonehead Hawkins never had a hit single, nor did he influence
or even witness the birth of rock and roll. However, Bonehead
survived his death in certain parts of Chicago, where he is
still remembered as the dumbest blues musician who ever lived.
As T.P. Whitback put it, "Bonehead's stone should read,
'Here lies one stupid motherfucker."
Now
Bonehead always knew his leaves fell a little far from the
tree, but he never realized his music reflected this shortcoming.
"He came to me one time," drummer Pete Conroy recalls,
"and played me this song called Bonehead Blues. And I
said, 'Bonehead, those lyrics don't rhyme.' He looks at me,
shakes his head and says, 'Rhyme?' So I said, 'Not only don't
the lyrics rhyme, but the song's all chorus. All you do is
keep repeating, "I got the Bonehead blues, I got the
Bonehead Blues, it's Christmastime again, I got the Bonehead
blues."' So he stares at me with those big brown eyes
and says, 'But that's how the song goes.' I couldn't help
but say, 'Bonehead, ain't you got no goddamn sense in your
head?' And he just says, 'Naw, but I got ten cents in my pocket.'
So we went downtown and split a hotdog with the ten cents."
Bonehead Blues became an underground hit of sorts, played
at parties and afterhours clubs by drunk and semi-of-duty
blues musicians. Through polish and variation the song attained
a certain beauty and became a masterpiece of sarcasm. For
a while women in certain neighborhoods could be heard telling
their boyfriends, "Go sing the Bonehead Blues somewhere
else, honey, 'cause I can't stand that song." But as
the aging musicians grew tired of bars and parties, the song
faded and sank into the place where all the drunken memories
of bars and parties die forgotten.
May you rest in peace, Bonehead, with ten cents in your pocket.
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