February 2005: Ages 3+
0. Naming cartoon characters as conspirators in a vast public relations war carried out by those who identify themselves as gay/lesbian/bi-sexual or transgender(G/L/B/TG), doesn’t hold water. Aquatic sponges are asexual. Store bought models are synthetic.

1. You may use whatever color of crayon you like to color the map found in the “Big Book of American Traditions” coloring book as no one really cares. We weren’t going to tell you because we thought it might hurt your feelings, but we just needed to get dinner ready. May also be said like so: “Know dinner, know family. No dinner, no family.”

2. The actual definition of tolerance works more than “both” ways. Six to be fairly accurate.

a. acceptance of different views: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, for example, in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views

b. tolerating of something: the act of putting up with something or somebody irritating or otherwise unpleasant

c. ability to endure hardship: the ability to put up with harsh or difficult conditions

d. MEDICINE ability to remain unaffected: the loss of or reduction in the normal response to a drug or other agent, following use or exposure over a prolonged period

e. ENGINEERING allowance made for deviation: allowance made for something to deviate in size from a standard, or the limit within which it is allowed to deviate

f. BIOLOGY ability to withstand extremes: the ability of an organism to survive in extreme conditions

3. If “the faith” dictates you cannot save yourself, then for god’s sake, decide what worked for you really does work for everyone else ---once and for ALL.

4. Everyone dies, be nice, or no one will take the time to care when you do. Will Eisner, so called godfather of the graphic novel and creator of the comic “Spirit” died in January.

5. If you are a professor, say, your name is Ward Churchill, and you write a book that no one understands and they proceed to take it out of context, take solace and say not one more thing. An academic asking anyone to understand what they said is a sin on the first hand and the second. You’ll be needing those hands as you’ll be writing more. Hell, maybe one day, people will start saying you sound like Noam Chomsky.

6. If you are a politician, and you bring legislation to curtail the influence of “liberal” professors when you call yourself “conservative”, no one is going to believe you are doing your job.

7. Just because the FCC chairman Michael Powell steps down doesn’t mean the government can do any better at qualifying the argument “The airwaves are a public resource.”

8. If you are talking about, or, listening to a “story” about the Fox Network not airing certain “racy” ads during the Superbowl which in any way, suggests they are family focused, you should reconsider the saying, “TV rots your brain.” You should be reading to your children and putting them to bed by 8pm. Kids test better fully rested.

9. Myself and my wife decided to buy ice cream at 1 am. The temptation to buy Sponge Bob Square Pants Creamsicles (with hearts in the middle) was obvious. Choices, it can be reasonably said, are never enough.

Lance Oditt
editor at semantikon dot com