Author Archive

The thing about blogging is that to do it successfully you must have one or more motivations for engaging the activity with some degree of regularity.  The list of these motives could be brief but must include a grudge, annoyance, anger, shock, Munchausen’s syndrome, an obsessive compulsive interest in the mundane or inane, a long prison sentence or a delusional belief that one is an unrecognized genius and simultaneously that people are interested in the expression of that till now unrecognized genius. At one time or another I believe that I would have been an excellent blogger but as of late the generous blogging opportunity provided me by Semantikon I have been unable to capitalize on.  This is not to say that I have resolved all past disagreements, have subscribed to Taoist mantras, found my bliss, been pardoned, nor been contacted by the Macarthur foundation, however I do feel even in this time of economic disarray, middle east strife and frigid weather I find myself oddly glass half full.  As today is the last day of the rest of George W. Bush’s life I feel as though any carping pales in comparison to the brightness that the future seems to hold.  So as one may view the lack of blog posts as negative I would suggest that one should rather take pleasure in the presence of the absence.

When you are little sometimes things happen within the closed social environment of school or camp or sports that distinguishes you from others.  Sometimes this event is affirming or seemingly heroic, like the guy who scores the winning goal or saves the anonymous passerby from a potentially ill-fated situation.  More likely however, the event that identifies you within your own social group, is the situation or action that is the impetus for the creation of the kind of nickname that follows you through your formative years, and becomes the single most salient reason for moving away for college. It is because of all of the taunted momma’s boys and slutty girls, for all of the nicknames like squid, pants, cool breeze, éclair, skin-dee and thunder thighs for all of the moments that trail you like a homeless dog—it is for reasons like that I have never posted a blog. Although the editor of Semantikon has assured me, much like a motivated lover in the
dark, that this activity is perfectly safe, and that anything that I write here can be edited or removed I know that, much like the gossip on the playground, once the word is out it cannot be retracted. And so it is with a combination of virginal ignorance, hesitation, and intentional blindness that you just want to hold me, and not fuck me that I type these words, and join the ranks of the hubris inspired masses that believe their thoughts and poorly conceived and punctuated posts matter. And so welcome to my blog and remember I never do this.